I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
