i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize