It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I forget how to act sober
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