theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
