Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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