ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
