just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
