Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
MIDGETS
????
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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