last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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