worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
