I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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