There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
