Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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