wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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