No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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