If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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