last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will be naked everywhere
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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