oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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