Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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