At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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