my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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