So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
