I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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