she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my liver is dry heaving
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
