Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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