Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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