plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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