God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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