dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
