If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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