Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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