my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
