Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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