ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
