I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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