Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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