Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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