I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
