I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
