Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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