When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
