god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
