i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
