on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
