dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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