My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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