Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
