bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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