bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
