she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
