This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
