How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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