If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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