oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
