Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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