This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
