Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
