Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
