I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
