Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize