My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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