girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
