Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
